What She Needs Read online

  WHAT SHE NEEDS

  Danyiel-Nicole

  Copyright © Danyiel-Nicole

  All rights reserved

  1st Edition

  ISBN: 13: 9780989868532

  This book is dedicated to my biggest fan, my mother, MiKita Brown. Sleep in Heaven ol’ gal. I miss you more than you know. <3

  Chapter 1

  As I stare into the eyes of my ex-husband, all of the anger felt toward him last night is coming back to me at full force. Why is he here? The last time we spoke, he was on his way to the hospital because his mistress was giving birth to their love child. In that same conversation, he accused me of being selfish because I have goals beyond being bare-foot and pregnant in his kitchen. His clothes are disheveled, his facial hair is scruffy, and he looks weary -- like he hasn’t slept in days. He looks nothing like the David Barfield I married.

  He isn’t the David I married. He’s a liar who cheated on me and got his mistress pregnant. Now he’s a father. The thought of this makes my chest tighten, but I stare at him with my poker face so he’ll never guess how much it hurts.

  “Well hello to you, too, Alicia,” his voice drips sarcasm.

  “David, what do you want? Why are you here?”

  “Right now, I want to come in.”

  I smirk at him, but I don’t budge.

  He changes his tone. “May I please come in? I’m tired and I haven’t had much sleep.

  That’s not my problem. I tilt my head to the side and stare at him.

  “Licia, please,” he begs.

  I sigh, move to the side, and let him in. When I close the door and turn around, I catch him surveying the apartment.

  “This place is nothing like a Barfield Engineering corporate apartment.” He turns around and catches a glimpse of the annoyed expression on my face. “What’s wrong with you?”

  With one hand on my hip, I pinch my forehead with the other. “David, why are you here?” I ask again. It’s almost a whine this time.

  “It’s nice to see you, too, Alicia,” he says again.

  I roll my eyes. I don’t need this shit right now.

  “I came here because you were upset on the phone last night, and I wanted to make it up to you.”

  “You didn’t have to come. I’m ok . . . really.”

  “And I’m also here because I love you. I want you back. Can we please try, Alicia?

  If he had come yesterday like he was supposed to, I wouldn’t have given this a second thought. But after the choice he made the other night, I’m not so sure.

  I let out a deep sigh.

  “Alicia, what’s wrong?” David asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Nothing, why do you ask?”

  “Because you’re acting differently than you were the other day on the phone.”

  “A lot has happened in the last couple of days, Davie.”

  “Like what?”

  “For starters, you have a baby now. It hurt badly when you chose to stay with Lauren over coming here to be with me. The very same Lauren who was in my house, laying on my couch, like it was a normal thing to her.” Every time I think about that it pisses me off. “That’s why I wanted the divorce in the first place – to spare my feelings, because you don’t seem to care about them.”

  He looks longingly into my eyes. “Licia, I care about your feelings. I’ve always cared about your feelings. I just . . . I just fucked up. You never let me explain why Lauren was at our house.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. I could slap him silly. What could he possibly say to justify his mistress being in my fucking house?

  He continues, but I can tell he’s choosing his words carefully. “Lauren was having Braxton-Hicks contractions, and she thought she was going into premature labor. I took her to the hospital. Once they released her, they asked me not to leave her alone for twenty-four hours. To kill time, I took her to dinner, and then I brought her back to our place. I called you at least ten times to let you know, but you were being stubborn -- as always. I made the decision to do what I had to do for my baby.”

  Still cocky as ever.

  “There isn’t an explanation in the world that would make me sympathize with you. You shouldn’t have had that bitch in my house for any reason. As for doing what’s best for your baby, why aren’t you doing what’s best for her now? Why didn’t you just stay in Florida with your baby?”

  “I’ll leave right now if you come back with me.”

  “I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen. I’m no longer your wife, and I don’t want to be your baby’s step-mother,” I say before I can stop myself. But it’s true. There’s no way I would be able to look in that baby’s face and love it, or even tolerate it being near me, knowing how she got here. I just want David to go home so that I can resume my life without him. It’s my fault for calling him when I was homesick and telling him I regretted the divorce. Now he’s offering me a step-family and I don’t want any part of that. I wonder if he sees how messed up this really is? I let out a deep sigh, “Look, David, I’m sure you’re going to be a great daddy, but being a parent is not my focus right now. How is the baby, anyway?”

  His whole demeanor changes. “She is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” He smiles and his eyes glisten with joy.

  He pulls his phone out of his pocket and begins to scroll through it. “Lauren had already given birth when I got there, so I spent the night at the hospital to have some time with them and then took the first nonstop flight I could get to come here.”

  The thought of his baby’s arrival makes me feel uneasy. I walk over to the sofa and sit down, holding my stomach and letting this realization sink in. David sits down next to me and pulls me in, resting my head on his shoulder. “I know it’s a lot to take in, Alicia, but if you give this a chance, I know you’ll fall in love with her once you meet her -- just like I did. It may be a little difficult in the beginning, but we can get everything worked out.”

  Give it a chance . . . you’ll fall in love! Did he not hear what I just said?

  He continues, “I’ll give you time to think about that, but in the meantime, I’ve arranged for us to do some sightseeing in London tomorrow, and then we’ll fly out first thing on Sunday morning to go shopping in Italy. Monday we can hang out here, and then I’m leaving on Tuesday morning. Skye has her first doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, and I want to be there.” He sounds like his usual cool, calm, and authoritative self.

  My mind is still reeling from his “Give it a chance, you’ll fall in love” statement. This man is delusional. I don’t want to meet his baby.

  “David, why do you think I want to fall in love with your baby? You cheated on me to make her, for Christ’s sake. And who in the hell is Skye?”

  I can feel his body tense up. “Well, it was only the other day when you said you missed me and you regretted our divorce. Do you not still feel the same way? Skye is my daughter’s middle name . . . Lauren and I named her Olivia-Skye.”

  The muscles in my stomach start to coil tighter. His baby is here and she has a name. No more bastard or lovechild -- her name is Olivia-Skye. I grab his phone to get a good look at her.

  “Alicia, do you not still feel the same way?”

  I hear him talking, but I ignore him because I’m in shock from staring at the picture of his baby. She has David’s round nose and she’s light-skinned like Lauren, with a head full of silky, curly hair. Her eyes are closed, so I can’t tell who she resembles the most. David is right -- she is a beautiful little girl. A pang of jealousy hits me hard and tears start to roll down my cheeks. Oh my God, why did I invite him here? As much as I anticipated that baby being born, the realness of it still hurts. Why does he think I’d be able to deal with this or even want to deal wi
th this? Why did I set myself up for this pain? I didn’t. I told him not to come. When he told me he was turning around because Lauren was in labor, I told him not to come!

  This is too much for anyone to take in at one time. I’m sitting here staring at the very reason my life has changed so drastically . . . the reason for my divorce: Miss Olivia-Skye Barfield, David’s pretty little girl. I don’t know whether to congratulate him or kick him out of my house. Why did David have to be so selfish? If he had been a little more patient, this could have been us. We could have been celebrating the birth of our baby.

  “Alicia, please don’t cry.” He says as he wraps his arm around me again.

  “Do you have to stay until Tuesday?”

  “That’s when my flight is booked to leave. Would you like for me to leave sooner?” He sounds hurt by my question.

  I ignore his question and move his arms from around me, making my way to the kitchen. “I need something to drink, would you like anything?”

  He sighs, “Sure. Coffee would be great if you have some.”

  Of course I have some. I went grocery shopping for you the other day, you bastard. I open the refrigerator, grab a bottle of water, and down the whole thing. I take a deep breath and start making his coffee while he gets settled onto one of the barstools at the kitchen counter.

  “Alicia, what’s the matter?”

  I ignore his question again as I busy myself looking for creamer and sugar. I don’t want him to see my face because I’m a mess and it’s his fault. Why do I even let him have this effect on me?

  “Licia, look at me.” He’s pleading. I turn to face him, and his expression is just as pained as mine. “I’m sorry.” He mouths the word this time. My heart starts to constrict. I don’t know how much of this I can take. I turn again, this time looking in the cabinet. I grab a cup and set it down in front of him, along with the coffee pot, creamer, and sugar. “Thank you,” he says.

  I nod, and then rest my elbows on the counter and cover my face in my hands. I have so much to think about. Less than an hour ago, I was escorted back home by Heath St. James, one of the most respectful and handsome men I’ve ever met -- who, for some odd reason, happens to think I’m the one for him. Now, sitting before me is the love of my life, my first everything, my husband of almost seven years who decided that I wasn’t moving fast enough and made a family of his own on the side. Anyone who thinks logically would naturally go with Heath, but not me. I’m not a logical person -- I’m confused as a bat. I have no clue what I want to do. I do know that I don’t want to end up being called “mommy” by a child who is a product of my husband’s infidelity.

  “Hey,” David breaks my train of thought. I look up at him, the tears continue to stream down my face. “I’m sorry I had to turn around, and I’m even sorrier that I spoke to you the way I did when I was at the airport. The truth is, I was mad at myself for allowing things to go as far as they did with Lauren, and then having to drag you into this mess, hurting you like I did. You don’t deserve any of this.” He sighs. “I know it sounds selfish, but I’m not ready to give you up right now.”

  I don’t respond. Instead, I walk back into the living room and sit down again, resting my head on the back of the sofa, and attempt to control these tears. I feel him sit down next to me. I’m honestly sick of his apologies and even sicker of his explanations. I can’t wait for Tuesday so he can just go back home.

  “Alicia, I’m going to ask you again. Do you want me to leave?”

  I open my eyes and turn to face him. “No, it’s just that your showing up makes everything more difficult. I was prepared to move on, ready to accept the fact that you have other responsibilities . . . ready to officially start my life without you. Davie, I don’t think you should be here when you have a brand new baby at home.”

  “Skye isn’t going anywhere. She’s mine for life. You, on the other hand, are slipping away from me, and I can’t let that happen again.” He leans in to kiss me, but I turn my head just in time for him to miss my lips. The moment I kiss him, I know I’ll give into him -- and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take. It’s been so long since I’ve been touched by anyone else. I have to be careful around him because one wrong move and we’ll be married again by morning.

  “Why can’t I kiss you?” He looks offended by the rejection.

  “Because I don’t want you to,” I say, trying my best to sound annoyed.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m afraid I’ll end up hurt again. You’re pretty good at giving me the shit end of the stick lately.”

  “Just please give me another chance, Licia. This will work out for the best. I can move here and you, Skye, and I can be a happy family.”

  He still doesn’t understand that I don’t want anything to do with that little girl.

  “Skye is your baby, not mine. I’ve been telling you since the beginning that I don’t want anything to do with her. Why do you keep suggesting that I try?” Just shut the fuck up about it.

  “I thought your call the other day was an attempt to start over. Was it not?”

  I don’t know. Was it? I’m not sure anymore.

  I sigh. “Not to hurt your feelings, but I called you the other day because I was homesick and Tamia was in court. I can’t say that I didn’t get excited when I anticipated you coming to visit me.” He looks at me with that David Barfield arrogance plastered on his face. “But,” I continue, “all of those feelings went away when you told me that you turned around in Ireland. I don’t like being second to anything, and as much as you feel like you came second to my job, it’s not true. Do I want corporate power? Yes, I do. It’s the driving force of who I am professionally. It’s the same with you and Barfield Engineering; it’s your brand -- who you are professionally. However, when we got home, I was your wife. I gave myself to you fully and whole-heartedly. I submitted to you in every way I knew how. I did everything I could think of to be the kind of woman you wanted, and you didn’t appreciate that. You cheated on me, David. You deceived me and broke our vows. That hurts more than the baby . . . more than the selfishness. I would never do that to you.” I wipe the tears off my face with the back of my hands.

  “Alicia, I know I messed up, but you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved --the only woman I want to be with.” He grabs my wrist and pulls it to his mouth.

  “I don’t believe you,” I say as I snatch my hand away from him. “If this were true, you would have never gotten involved with Lauren. You were messing around with her before I told you about my infertility, so there’s no excuse. And although I knew you messed up, I still forgave you and I was willing to work things out with you. Yet you continued to betray me.”

  “Baby, I said that I’m sorry, and as much as you don’t want to believe me, I mean it. Just let me make it up to you. Please?”

  “No, David, I can’t.” I firm. “If you would have just waited, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. If you would have just waited, we could have been celebrating the birth of our baby. You made this bed, and now you have to lie in it. Can’t you see how much I’m hurting? How do you think this will get any better? My heart can’t take anymore . . . that’s why I divorced you.”

  He stares at me as if he’s trying to bore a hole into my head. My tears have subsided, but my mind is reeling. Why do I always end up crying when I’m with him? Love isn’t supposed to make you feel this way.

  We look into each other’s eyes, not saying a word. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

  After several long, uncomfortable moments, David finally breaks our silence. “So, there’s no way you would consider working on this?”

  “No. I told you the baby is a deal breaker, and I don’t know if I could ever trust you again,” I answer without a second thought. “Where are your things?” I ask, noticing for the first time that he doesn’t have any luggage.

  “I dropped them off at the corporate apartment before I came here. I figured since you told me not to come, I wouldn’t ma
ke plans to stay here with you.” He looks at me intently – like he wants me to say he can stay here with me.

  “Good idea.” I say before I can catch myself. He can’t stay here.

  He lets out a frustrated sigh. “So everything we talked about the other day was in vain?”

  “No, I meant everything I said . . . the other day, but you have to understand my position here. David, I’ll always love you and you’ll always have a special place in my heart, but my heart isn’t big enough to accept your baby and the rest of your baggage.”

  He moves closer to me and grabs my hand. Looking into my eyes he says, “I want you back, Alicia and I won’t stop trying until you say you’ll take me back.”

  “It’s not going to happen, I’m sorry.”

  “Just try.” He says with those puppy dog eyes I can’t resist.

  “David . . . I-” Don’t give in Alicia. “David, I ca-” before I could finish my sentence his mouth is on mine kissing me as if his life depended on it. It feels so good, so familiar, and I can’t resist; I start kissing him back. His lips are pressed hard against mine while our tongues intertwine, exploring one another’s mouth. My body relaxes and David notices – it’s all he needs. He leans in making me lie down on the sofa, but he doesn’t let up from the kiss. He positions himself on top of me and holds my wrists above my head. I can feel his growing erection; all my thoughts have left my brain. My body is numb with pleasure, except my little lady – she’s throbbing and pulsating so hard that it feels like she’s going to explode.

  “Keep your arms up there.” He says against my mouth as he releases my wrists. I reach up and grab the arm of the sofa. He kisses and nips his way down to my neck making slow sensual circles against the left then the right side. Continuing his journey south he makes it to my breast and bites one of my nipples while he squeezes the other through the thin material of my camisole. He lets out a low deep moan that wakes up my whole body making my skin sensitive. He pulls my breast out through the top of my shirt so that they are sitting in perfect position then he leans back to get a good look at me. “I missed your sexy ass body more than you know.” He says before he grabs both of my breasts with his hands and begins worshipping my nipples, sucking, nibbling, and licking them making me cry out his name. He suddenly stops and before I can beg him not to his mouth is on mine kissing me again, caressing my tongue then nibbling and sucking on my bottom lip. He moves his hand to the top of my head and grabs a handful of my hair tugging it gently. With his other hand he reaches into my pajamas and then glides his finger across my little lady making my body shiver from the oh-so-good feeling. David notices and it’s all he needs.